as a gay man

[ninety6tears]

Zachary Quinto came out casually mentioned that he is gay in NY magazine. Everything was beautiful and no one was shocked.

Let me tell you what happened to me this morning when I was putting on my damn shoes. I got out my Toms from the bottom of the shoe pile - Yay, I haven't worn you in a while, shoes. I love you, shoes. Let's go get breakfast. I get into my right shoe and then I get into my left shoe and I'm like Why is there like a crumpled-up receipt or something in the bottom of my shoe? Take it off, try to shake it out, nothing happens. That should have been my warning. Instead I reach my goddamn hand into that shoe and reach into the toe and PAPER DOESN'T MOVE OH MY GOD. Take out my hand and one of the BIGGEST FUCKING SPIDERS I HAVE EVER SEEN IS CRAWLING UP MY HAND. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD.

In about half of a second I've shaken it off and stuck to the fucking ceiling or whatever and Shep's in the room yelling, "What!? What is it?...Use words-OH MY GOD THAT THING'S HUGE."

"THAT WAS IN MY SHOE."

"HOLY SHIT."

After he kills this little fucker with a boot I'm getting a second look at it, like maybe it was only my sheer terror that made me think this thing was that huge, but no. Biggest dead spider I've ever seen.

I'm so weird about spiders, let me tell you. Intellectually, I don't get why I'm afraid of them. Unlike more serious arachnophobes, I'm okay with looking at pictures of them and I even think sometimes that they're really cool-looking (some of them are even cute), and I get really annoyed with people who prissily hate them for existing and can't stand the thought of them because they're like so disgusting. But I don't want them on me, and when shit like this happens I totally freak out.

And then later there's always the guilt. Why do I always kill them when they're not doing anything to me? Like this little dude. How miraculous is it that he didn't bite me, either in the foot or the hand? He was probably just chilling out, and then here comes this foot jamming in on his pad and at first he's just like, "Oh okay, I'm just gonna scrunch here in the corner like, okay, yeah," and then a second later he politely lets me usher him out of the shoe and then is probably like DAMN GIRL WHAT ARE YOU SCREAMING FOR OH JESUS.

At least I'm not the same about snakes. Snakes can get all up on me, I love snakes.

Comments

[the-physicist.livejournal.com]

I like spiders and I kind of didn't want to read on after you said you killed it (edit: or well, had it killed), but I'm glad I did. So many people who have a phobia about them really want them all dead -- glad to hear you don't and that you understand they aren't harmful (unless you live somewhere with poisonous ones, of course) and that you only want them dead because you're in the middle of a panic.

My partner seems to want them dead even when he's not in a panic most of the time. But now he always asks me to rescue him from the spiders and I carry them outside.

[afallenseraphim.livejournal.com]

Personally, I really like spiders, and though I'm actually avidly against killing them I can totally get the 'like them but don't want them ON me' thing. Your moment of panic is understandable, because I don't think you're going to let it keep crawling up your hand while you take a moment to study it and make sure it's not poisonous before deciding its fate.

*sigh* At least you meet the damn things half way- they don't bother you, you don't bother them. I'm surrounded by friends and family with arachnophobia bordering on prejudice, it's like a constant battle even on the outside. Any 'dude, you're in their domain out here... and it's like twenty feet away' is met with 'eeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiicky'. *rolls eyes*

SNAKES. I love snakes. Snakes are awesome. And they're so damn cute. My uncle had my favorite snake I've ever met. He was like this really slithery chillaxed cat.

[ninety6tears.livejournal.com]

I think my mom is by far the worst of anyone in my family, because she isn't even scared of them and feels the need to kill them on sight anyway. As if it's a matter of cleanliness. I'd put more of them outside if I had her indifference about getting close to them.

I don't even know anybody who owns a snake anymore, which is sad. They're so fun to play with.

[the-glow-worm.livejournal.com]

Haha, Zachary Quinto has been my imaginary lover for like, ever! I think since I saw him on Heroes and became entranced by his eyebrows. But yes, man is super gay.

AND OH GOD SPIDER. I don't think it's even really bugs that freak me out (what am I talking about, of course it is) but the way they move. Ughhh

[ninety6tears.livejournal.com]

The way they move. Yes. We used to get a lot of centipedes at a house I used to live in and those things gave me the creeeps.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_tehrin/]

I just came into this post to proclaim my love of ZQ. Gay, Straight, Who care? He's awesome!

[jolinar-rosha.livejournal.com]

So, basically, apparently I'm the only person on the planet who *hadn't* realized Quinto is gay. Never even crossed my mind. I told my friend yesterday and she was like, 'yeah, why are you so surprised? He looked gay.' And I was like, 'Why didn't you ever mention this?' And she told me, 'You never asked.'

Anyway, I'll keep lusting after him regardless. He's been my lust-object since the 2nd season of Heroes, can't stop now. XD

As for the spider, yep, I'm not normally afraid of them, but my reaction would have been exactly the same. :P

[ninety6tears.livejournal.com]

Haha, "You never asked"...
For me it was more the fact that he's been a gay rights activist for a while and has a played a few gay characters, all while skirting the issue when people ask him about his own sexuality. He was neither in nor out of the closet, was my impression.

I still feel silly about the spider, LOL. My boyfriend totally thought somebody had broken into the house.

[jolinar-rosha.livejournal.com]

I didn't know about him evading questions, 'cause the only interviews I've watched were the Trek related ones; but I knew about him being an activist and about the roles. It just didn't connect. :P

(my gay bff is pretty chipper now though. :P)

Nah, don't feel silly about the spider, what are you talking about - it was crawling up your hand!! I've screamed about as loud about cockroaches, and I don't even have the excuse of the possibility of them biting.

[jackthelion77.livejournal.com]

I openly jumped and squirmed when I read this between classes - so much so that my classmates were like "what???" and came over to look at my computer screen. I had to explain that I just froke out from READING about a surprise shoe-spider. Bleeeeeeeghhhhhhhhh.

Also, thank you for hiding the "cute" spiders behind a link. Much appreciated.

Are you coming for Halloweeeeeen? (Festivities will be the 29th)

[ninety6tears.livejournal.com]

LOL, I'm sure it wasn't as weird as my centipede freak-out in Mr. Slotnick's class.

I FUCKING MISS YOU. As far as I know, we're coming. It's just gonna be a party at somebody's house, right? Is there gonna be a contest? XD

[jackthelion77.livejournal.com]

haha I don't know if there will be a contest. Are you feeling competitive? Watcha gonna be??
I think Steve and I have changed our minds and are being an old man and his gold-digging OT now... We change our minds a lot, though.

And do you know if you're coming Fri or Sat? Shep is welcome, too if he's willing to leave his house for the weekend :P I assume Sara knows of these plans?

I FUCKING MISS YOU TOO.

[ninety6tears.livejournal.com]

LOL, I just remember last year there was a contest but Cherie was basically too drunk to give out the reward at the end of the night. I don't know what I'm gonna do, I'll probably have to just reuse something :/

It will probably be Sat., but I don't know for sure.

[mutantjules.livejournal.com]

OH FUCK THAT'S AWFUL

I also am down with snakes but ohgod oh god spiders oh god. I know it's probably ridiculous but I feel that being scared of them is in fact the ONLY logical reaction. I don't hate them, I'm not disgusted by them, and I guess it's good that they exist cause if not we'd probably be overrun by the smaller bugs they eat. But seeing one simply drives a spike of terror through my heart and I feel like I am CLEARLY ABOUT TO DIE. I can't even see a picture of one without getting freaked out (they don't even have to be real to be scary). This hyperbole and a half blog is the closest to how I feel about it that anyone else has ever expressed, and it's funny, so it makes me feel better :D but DDDDDDDDDDDDDD: gahd. Spiders.

[ninety6tears.livejournal.com]

That post is hilarious and yeah, kinda me, down to the "I'm not really afraid of them" phase. LOL, in a way this experience has cemented for me that I cannot help it and will probably always be phobic no matter how much I tell myself it's unreasonable. The fact that it seems to be second nature to so many humans to be scared shitless of them is so weird, because the threat they pose to us isn't that big, it's like they're just evil and they have no soulll.

And it sucks cause one of the places I'd love to visit is Australia, but with the golf-ball-sized spiders on every wall, I don't think I can do it.

[mutantjules.livejournal.com]

Yup, from this sort of thing we can come to the conclusion that IT IS NOT UNREASONABLE. They are just evil and deep down we all instinctively know it D:

and yeah, I have come to this exact same sad conclusion about Australia. Even the scorpions they have there, which are murderous-looking, you can avoid fairly easily - just gotta remember shake out your boots before you put em on cause they love to hang out in cool dark places just like them. SPIDERS THOUGH, THEY'RE EVERYWHERE. FUCK THEM. (Actually though, Australia is just full of things that look forward to killing you)

[ninety6tears.livejournal.com]

Australia is just full of things that look forward to killing you LOL, true...Australians are clearly some hardcore people, I could not handle it. Even the snakes in Australia would make me nervous cause I wouldn't exactly be totally calm if I found a venomous one inside.

[withabcde.livejournal.com]

I was just scrolling down your journal page out of curiosity (I'd been browsing Spock/Kirk fics, by way of antistalker explanation) when I saw this entry. I absolutely died of laughter. You are bloody brilliant and I can't help but add you. :D

I'm totally with you on snakes, by the way. They are MISUNDERSTOOD CREATURES. We should LOVE and RESPECT THEM.

(Zachary Quinto's coming out shattered my little heart. But it also revived my fierce passion of Kirk/Spock. It is now an entirely legitimate canon possibility.)