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A/N: It feels very weird to be posting this since it's for a fandom I'm long out of and unlikely to ever return to, but this is one of a couple salvageable WIPs I came across lately when I was cleaning off my hard drive. I don't know where else I may have been planning to go with it, but it doesn't exactly feel unfinished. I'm honestly not sure how it'll read.
Title inspired by "King of Carrot Flowers Part 1" by Neutral Milk Hotel.

Title: As We Would Lay And Learn
(one-shot, 2473 words)
Pairing: Brian/Michael
Summary: Weekend by weekend, Michael watches his best friend grow up too fast, but some things never change.
Rating: R

( Two boys were fifteen. )

As I write more, I'm starting to realize my word choices are driven very much by what I think sounds good, almost in a poetic sense. This means my writing is most likely robbed of any words I just don't like the sound of. As I was reading a Margaret Atwood story the other day, I came across the phrase "he'll be bald as an egg" and my mind immediately was like, Ew, no. I don't like the word "egg" at all. It's such a weak word for metaphors. Okay, "egg" is not a very valuable addition to vocabulary, as I would obviously have no aversion to using it literally ("he picked up eggs at the store"), cause in that case it's like...not my fault. But I have found that I, as well as a lot of other people, really hate the word "tender." I often write a sentence like, "He tenderly handled..." and then end up backspacing and replacing it with "gently" because I REALLY HATE THAT WORD. It just reminds me of a steak or something when I read it. Like, I'm holding you in the same way that I chew on my filet mignon, baby.

I have arrived at the fact that I am really not sure whether I am ever going to finish my super-long QAF W.I.P. There are several...problems...with it. I recently saw a comment - I think it was somewhere in qaf_marathons - when someone said that she is dissatisfied with the plethora of AU fics that don't recognize the automatic result of the alterations they'd made as a result of relationships developing in different ways. Certain questions have to be considered, such as, "Would Brian have taken as much of a part in Gus's life if Justin hadn't been around?", because Brian's actions, particularly, are often influenced by other people in his life, if they are important. The problem with my fic is not that I didn't consider these things, but that perhaps the result of distorting canon in the way that I did leads to an alternate universe that maybe nobody wants to read. I decided that if such-and-such happened, Justin Taylor would not be the Justin that we know, but does anybody want to read a story in which Justin isn't Justin, and more importantly, do I want to write it? And is it even possible for my au jus to come through and recover himself in a way that does justice to the bravery and independence that was so strongly attached to his character in the show? I guess it's not surprising that the thing is starting to seem a lot longer than I expected it to be (though not exceptionally long compared to other fics I've seen by any stretch), when the process of developing a relationship in the given situation would realistically be no less than an extremely gradual process.

I'm not really agonizing over this at all; the muse has gone on quite a respite and I'm mainly planning out my most recent plot bunny. I think I'm doing an overall better job now of thinking about the process of writing a longer fic, which is something I've never completed before (the kind of overwhelming unfamiliarity of it is part of the reason the other AU is kind of a mess). I often find that a change of location kind of alters my writing psyche or whatever-the-fuck, sometimes in a good way and sometimes not. I'm always coming up with new ideas when I'm on vacations, sleeping in unfamiliar towns. But my mind was completely dead the night I moved into my dorm.

I watched about five episodes of the over-night QAF marathon on Logo last night at my boyfriend's digital-cable-equipped home while he played computer games (har har). I'd heard a lot of bad stuff about how Logo censors the hell out of the show and was curious to check it out, but it's not really as bad as I expected. The "Lover's Spit" scene is not cut at all, but I don't really know why it would be. But it's the GAY CHANNEL, and considering that they bleep out the 'f' word as well as "blowjob" I have to wonder how it even gets the TV MA rating. The one part that really suffered from the censorship was the end of 107...They just kind of show Brian looking at Justin for a few seconds and fade out. It almost doesn't make sense.
Anyway, I should be going to bed around 1 AM these days but I had to see 311, so I watched up through that. I really think the scene in the loft when Brian and Debbie get stoned together is one of the greatest moments in the whole show. If you came in on that episode and didn't know any better, you'd think she was his mom. A very awesome, cussing, pot-smoking, pseudo-profound...mom. So much love for Debbie. And the re-opening of the back room, of course.
And I love that it's tuna and macaroni, because I used to eat that stuff all the time. You'd think it's nasty, but if you've never tried it I would highly recommend it.

Title: Murder the Makings
(one-shot, 489 words)
Characters/Pairings: Brian/Justin
Rating: PG
Warning: Spoilers for 122/201-ish
Note: I was watching the ending of 122 last night and this fic just started writing itself. It speaks from Brian's revelation of the absolute loss of possibility and beginning between him and Justin that occurred because of the bashing.


( Would we have kept it for us... )